Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
