I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Small penises have feelings too.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
