Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We just shotgunned beers for America
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
