her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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