is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
