his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
