also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
