3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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