You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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