I could make wine with my vomit
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
