Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
