i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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