How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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