Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
