Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
