I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
