But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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