I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
