the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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