so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
