why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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