You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize