Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
