In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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