You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
