What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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