pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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