I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
