morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I sprained my soul last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
