Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
FUCK WHALES
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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