I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
