if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
