I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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