well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
