I'm gonna have a badass scar
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
