My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it was like eating out sand paper
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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