idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
