Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
