we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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