My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize