i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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