i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
