i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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