I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
only you would photoshop your dick
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize