i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
