I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You can't motorboat a personality
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
