Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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