At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
