In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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