I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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