I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I still have a little drunk in my system
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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