Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
