i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
