it was like his penis was on wheels.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize