Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
