i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
