census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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