I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
