I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
