I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
