i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
