I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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