i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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