I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
