So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
